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Top 10 Divorce Mistakes

Blog, Divorce, Suffolk County0 comments

Here’s The Top 10 Mistakes You Should Avoid If You’re Considering A Divorce

1. Deciding not to hire an Attorney

The first and most crucial mistake some people make, is believing that they can navigate divorce on their own. Divorcing in New York can sometimes be complicated and lengthy and it is important to have competent and qualified legal representation to ensure your family and assets are protected.

2. Taking the advice or your divorced friends

When it comes to divorce, everyone has a story, themselves, a friend, a family member. It is important to remember that none of these people are you and none of those people have your exact  circumstances. People often listen to others and become fixated on what they have, rather than what they need or can get in their specific situation. This can lead to lengthy unnecessary litigation with unrealistic expectations.

3. Failing to have a realistic goal or expectation for life after divorce

It is important to know or at least think about what you need emotionally and financially when the divorce is over. It is unrealistic to expect that there will be no disruption or change in your current life. But with proper planning and realistic expectations, an attorney can help to minimize that disruption.

4. Allowing Emotions to Take Over

Yes, a divorce can be one of the most difficult times in anyone’s life, but when negotiating terms, it is important to leave any emotions out of it. People hire attorneys for a reason, to help guide them accordingly and optimize any settlement and custody/parenting time arrangement. Attorney’s are able to do this because they are not emotionally attached to the situation. It is important to treat much of a divorce as a business transaction and do what is financially in your best interest not what is most punitive to your spouse.

5. Forgetting that they are “our” children, not “my” children

Barring extenuating and very limited circumstances, it is always in the best interest of children to have both parents serve a meaningful and active role in their lives. When people allow their emotions to take over, they sometimes forget what is best for their child, rather they try to punish the other person by denying parenting time or refusing to participate in parenting time. It is important to remember the person being punished in this situation is more often then not, the child.

6. Becoming too attached to personal property

The house you purchased during your marriage, furnishings, jewelry, household items – are items that far too often people become emotionally attached to. Divorcing spouses often place more value on these items then their actual value due to emotions or simply not wanting the other person to have them. It is important to remember they are property making it easier to determine how they should be allocated in the end.

7. Placing too much value on “winning”

It is important to remember that divorce is not a contest. There are no winners in a divorce and often the sign of a good and fair settlement, is the fact that both sides are slightly unhappy.

8. Not being truthful with your attorney

You hired an attorney for a reason, now trust them to do their job. It is always important to be honest and up-front with your attorney. Honestly helps an attorney to protect you or get in front of a situation that can potentially be damaging to your case. It is also important that your attorney not be caught off guard in court or settlement negotiations regarding a situation you may have been involved in.

9. Not following the advice of your attorney

It is important to remember that divorce is a legal process and one that you were most likely not trained in. Especially in divorce, it is important to hire an attorney who primarily practices in this area of law. Once you have done that, it is important to listen to the advice or direction of that attorney. Divorce can sometimes cloud your judgement or cause you to act out of emotion or anger. Your attorney will help guide you and prevent you from making rash decisions that might cause significant harm to you financially or in a custody fight.

10. Seeking Revenge

When going through a divorce people can sometimes become consumed by their anger towards the other party and their need for revenge. People who seek revenge often wind up spending significantly more money litigating issues that could have easily been settled. Additionally, when appearing before the Courts, judges can often tell when someone is acting in this manner, which may result in a negative outcome or decision for that party.


If your situation requires an experienced Suffolk County Family Law Attorney or Divorce Lawyer, you should put our years of expertise to work for you. We will work diligently with personalized care. Our firm only handles divorce and family law cases so we are knowledgeable and experienced in these matters. Call Zimmer, Mathiesen & Associates at 631-493-0278 for a free consultation today.

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