Here’s The Top 10 Mistakes You Should Avoid If You’re Considering A Divorce

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1. Deciding not to hire an Attorney

The first and most crucial mistake some people make, is believing that they can navigate divorce on their own. Divorcing in New York can sometimes be complicated and lengthy and it is important to have competent and qualified legal representation to ensure your family and assets are protected.

2. Taking the advice or your divorced friends

When it comes to divorce, everyone has a story, themselves, a friend, a family member. It is important to remember that none of these people are you and none of those people have your exact  circumstances. People often listen to others and become fixated on what they got, rather than what they need or can get in their specific situation. This can lead to lengthy unnecessary litigation with unrealistic expectations.

3. Failing to have a realistic goal or expectation for life after divorce

It is important to know or at least think about what you need emotionally and financially when the divorce is over. It is un realistic to expect that there will be no disruption or change in your current life, but with proper planning and realistic expectations and attorney can help to minimize that disruption.

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4. Allowing Emotions to Take Over

Yes, a divorce can be one of the most difficult times in anyone’s life, but when negotiating terms, it is important to leave the emotions out of it. People hire attorneys’s for a reason, to help guide them accordingly and optimize any settlement and custody/parenting time arrangement. Attorney’s are able to do this because they are not emotionally attached to the situation. It is important to treat much of a divorce as a business transaction and do what is financially in your best interest not what is most punitive to your spouse.

5. Forgetting that they are “our” children, not “my” children

Barring extenuating and very limited circumstances, it is always in the best interest of children to have both parents serve a meaningful and active role in their lives. When people allow their emotions to take over, they sometimes forget what is best for their child, rather they try to punish the other person by denying parenting time or refusing to participate in parenting time. It is important to remember the person being punished in this situation is more often then not, the child.

6. Becoming too attached to personal property

The house you purchased during your marriage, retirement accounts, furniture, jewelry – are items that far too often people become emotionally attached to. Divorcing spouses often place more value on these items then their actual value due to emotions or simply not wanting the other person to have them. It is important to remember they are property making it easier to determine how they should be allocated in the end.

7. Placing too much value on “winning”

It is important to remember that divorce is not a contest. There are no winners in a divorce and often the sign of a good and fair settlement, is the fact that both sides are slightly unhappy.

8. Not being truthful with your attorney

You hired an attorney for a reason, now trust them to do their job. It is always important to be honest and up-front with your attorney. Honestly helps an attorney to protect you or get in front of a situation that can potentially be damaging to your case. It is also important that your attorney not be caught off guard in court or settlement negotiations regarding a situation you may have been involved in.

9. Not following the advice of your attorney

It is important to remember that divorce is a legal process and one that you were most likely not trained in. Especially in divorce, it is important to hire an attorney who primarily practices in this are of law. Once you have done that, it is important to listen to the advice or direction of that attorney. Divorce can sometimes cloud your judgement or cause you to act out of emotion or anger, your attorney will help guide you and prevent you from making rash decisions that might cause significant harm to you financially or in a custody fight.


When going through a divorce people can sometimes become consumed by their anger towards the other party and their need for revenge. People who seek revenge often wind up spending significantly more money litigating issues that could have easily been settled. Additionally, when appearing before the Courts, judges can often tell when someone is acting in this manner, which may result in a negative outcome or decision for that party.


If your situation requires an experienced Suffolk County family law attorney or divorce lawyer, you should put our years of expertise to work for you. We will work diligently to ensure that your rights are completely protected and resolve all of your legal issues quickly, and with personalized individual care. Our firm only handles divorce and family law cases so we are knowledgeable and experienced in these matters. We know the law, the courts, and most importantly, we know and deliver to our client’s results.

Call Zimmer, Mathiesen & Associates at 631-493-0278 for a free consultation today.

The best legal team ever!

avvo-badgeAfter doing extensive research and my due diligence to find the right firm for me, Todd J Zimmer and Associates was 100% the right decision. I intially spoke with Todd who was sincere and sympathetic to my situation being I had a premature daughter and was heading into a custody battle. He said that his associate Stephanie Mathiesen would be representing me and assured me she is GREAT at what she does! I could write over and over praise for Stephanie, but for me the fact that my family and friends whom have stood by me during this difficult time have basically looked at Stephanie as a apart of my family instead of just being my lawyer. She has a passion and drive to do what is right for her clients, she has a amazing way of taking a hectic situation and pacifying it with out diminishing its seriousness. She has firey way about her and gets it DONE! She’s responds to all my emails and phone calls ASAP. All these stories and negative stigmas about attorneys are with out a doubt negated by Stephanie and the Zimmer Firm.

Justin M.

Mr. Todd J. Zimmer is the greatest divorce attorney!

avvo-badgeI can’t express enough how pleased I am with the services I received from Mr. Zimmer and his staff! This has by far been the most difficult period in my life. His caring demeanor and his professional staff made it so much more easier to deal with this awful period in my life. Mr. Zimmer was always there when I needed to speak with him. He took his time explaining the whole process step by step. He is such a hard worker and cares about his clients. He will fight for you and get you everything you deserve and more! I highly recommend Mr. Zimmer!

Carrie M.

Effective, helpful, caring attorney

avvo-badgeWhen dealing with the many unexpected twists and turns of a divorce, you need a law firm that is able to explain it all to you. Todd Zimmer and his staff were ever ready to respond to my questions and concerns. Todd emailed me himself on several occasions after 1 in the morning just to make sure I understood the next step. He walked me through the process, helped me feel at ease, and ultimately got me everything I needed in my settlement. He has even been available to answer questions and assist me after my divorce was finalized.

Donna B.

A True Solace

avvo-badgeI just finished my divorce case and wanted to write a well deserved review for my lawyer, Todd J. Zimmer and his exemplary staff. They are truly a unique law firm that was attentive to my every need and concern while my wife and I were going through such a difficult time. Their attention to the details of my case, and ensuring I was well looked after 24/7 was a true illustration of the dedication of Mr. Zimmer and his caring staff, who each were beyond wonderful. There are not enough good words that can describe the care and professionalism that Todd. J Zimmer and his staff provide. Thank you Todd, as well as the rest of your staff for assisting me during such a chaotic time in my life. You delivered on everything you promised me and kept me grounded throughout my case. I also appreciated that while you were tough, you showed my wife great care and respect. I told you when we first met that was important to me and you never forgot. Thank you for everything!

Sammy G.

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